Bad Days Happen

Okay so not so proud of myself for yesterday. Day seamed to be fine. Sore from yesterday's run but okay.
I get to work out and just me and Gerald are working out. I start at my weights and I can not almost do the first one. The lightest. My head is not there. Since John told me I was never to do any movement unless it was correct and I could not do in correctly I could not get my mind right. All I could hear in my head is can't, can't' can't. I am alone and trying to pick up this weight of 65lbs 10 times. No problem I have done it for the last few weeks. I pick it up and it's not right. I put back and start over and it still fills wrong. My head is saying you can't do this. I know I can. I not only can but have for the last few weeks. There is no one there and I keep making it harder and telling myself I can't. I put on next weight of 75lb and still that thing saying you can't. Then next weight 80lb 6 times and it builds. Next weight 85lb and barely made it. and I stop and don't finish. Then I start on work out and I can't get my breath. I am pulling the tire and it is lighter than before and I still have having problems. I go to do my squats and can't get my breath. I go to do jump rope and I fail 1, 2, 3 and my legs just won't move. I finally get started and it is slow, slow,slow. I go back to pull the tire and not any easier. My stomach hurts, my abs hurt. I can not get by breath. On final round on jump ropes I start breathing hard and squeaking. Yes squeaking. I finish and Mary is talking to me and I can't breathe. I can't get any air. I put my hand on Mary and tell her I can't breathe. Now I am afraid and feeling stupid. Stupid I am afraid and I know if I stop breathing hard then I will be able to breathe but I can't get control and the more I lose control I more I am afraid. Mary has me put my arms on my head and take deep breathes. Okay if you can't breathe then how can you take deep breathes and I am sinking more and more into failure. Now I feel stupid, I can't breathe and I am trying to slow down my not breathing. I finally get to where I can breathe and the monster of mind takes over and said you are a failure and you will never be more than a failure. Okay God does not make failures. We make a choice. I am not a failure. I am a Child of God. I am loved and will be loved no matter what. I can do all things with Christ My God who strengths me. If I did not do it this time I can next time and the next and the next. I will never stop and never give up. God has a plan and it is good and I will remember and keep going. Just because I could not this time does not mean that I quit. It means I work harder and try more. If I fail it is okay and I will just keep trying.  

Lessons

When you hear from God that is good. When fighting what he wants you to do is bad. Standing not getting in the battle but watching from the side lines is hard. But if it was easy every one could do it. God has plans and when we can not see with our eyes we don't believe but I know, a belief know that God has this and I will be obedience to Him. I understand I can not fix this. I understand that only God with His Power, Glory and Mercy can fix this. God makes all things possible. God has the children in his wing and will protect and love.
God's love is more than we could ever understand. Our Thoughts are not His Thoughts. His thoughts are more than heaven and earth. God moves for us and I thank Him for every thing He puts in my life. I love you God and will always have you with me.

I will stand and fight. I know what God has told me and I will do as God says. I will pray and I will stand. Twins names God has given is Glory and Joy. God has a plan and it is good. Even so no one knows the things of God except the Spirit of God Now we have received not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who
is from God, that we might know the things that have been freely given to us by God. Is but he who is spiritual judges all things, yet he himself is rightly judged by no one. For who has known the mind of th Lord that he may instruct Him? But we have the mind of Christ.
Twins Glory and Joy,
Our father disciplined us for a while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful, later on however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:10-11
Remember God's disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. God's discipline is to equip our hearts in Christ Likeness.
to conformed to the image of Christ. We can respond in the only right way, which is to endure His redemptive discipline, knowing that it is for our good that We might share in His holiness.
There is nothing created for mere show, no useless part of creation. The aim of God in all His modes and works is the highest good to all His creatures. Catherine Booth
Isaiah 55:8 "For My Thoughts are not Your Thoughts. Nor are your ways My Ways;" says the Lord.
9 "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways. And My Thoughts than your thoughts." So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; It shall not return VOID, But it shall accomplish what I please, And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it. 12 For you shall go out with joy, And be led out with peace; The mountains and the hills shall break forth into singing before you.
And all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.
Holy Father, I Thank You that no weapon formed against Meagan, Trinty, McKenzie, Sharon or Ashlee, shall prosper, and every tongue which rises against them in judgement You shall condemn. For this is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is from You. Isaiah 54:17

It Is All Going To Be Alright, It's in God's Hands

Okay so I am feeling so good today. I am feeling so close to God and when you are close their is no Fear. Their is Peace. It is okay if I am not losing weight as fast as I wanted to, it is okay that I work each day on getting better, each day getting closer to the goal. I talked with John about working out more and he said He wants me to not do more so I don't hurt myself. Now if I said that, that could just be an excuse to not do more. I realized when I talked to him I did not get this way over night and I can not fix it over night. I will go one work out at a time. One meal at a time. One day at a time(I loved that show). It is not about mistakes I make but repeating the same mistake over and over again. I pledge today to try to do better. As long as I am trying and working in the right direction, It Will All Be Okay.

The Apple

I am reading Crave and it is asking the question. Does God make us Crave? Yes Does God make us crave food? No! I am asking myself today if I was Eve would I fall for the same lies that snake told. Yes. I believe I deserve food. I believe it is not fair that other people do not have to diet and I do. I believe that no one cares if I am fat so why can't I enjoy a cookie or a piece of cake. What if the world ended tomorrow and I did not have that piece of cake today? It is not about that piece of cake. It is about why I think that piece of cake will make me happy. Why I think eating that piece of cake will make me feel good about myself. Why I think that piece of cake can make me a better person. If I don't have that piece of cake what will happen?
If I don't give in to that craving for something sweet, If I don't eat that candy bar or have a coke, what will my life be like. After I eat I am so wise. I know exactly what I should do and exactly what I am going to do next time. If I take that after wisdom and apply it to before wisdom, maybe must maybe the scale will move the right way. May instead of eating that candy bar, going to the store to buy it because I have nothing sweet in my house. Just maybe I can be the wise person I think I am after I have that candy, or cookie or any thing I can think of to satisfy that craving. God made us to crave him, not the apple that was good to the eye. Not that choc candy that calls my name. Craving food because it will make me happy, helps me when I am sad and nothing can do when I am mad. Would it be too hard to think about why I am happy, sad or mad and take it to God and let God teach me how to be all things with Him and Through Him and not use poor choices to make us feel better. We are afraid (in we I mean me) to look in the mirror to see what person is there but when we look we might find that , that person is not as bad as we thought. Maybe that person is just waiting for us to see her and not the things others have said or that we thought they said. Why are we living our lives believing in what may or may not of been said about us. If some one said any thing bad about a friend we would stand and fight. So let's stand and fight for us.
Who does God say I Am
Margie the forgiven child of God Romans 3:24
Margie the set-free child of God Romans 8:1-2
Margie the accepted child of God 1 Corth 1:2
Margie the holy child of God         1 Corth 1:30
Margie the made-new child of God 2 Corth 5:17
Margie the loved child of God       Eph 1:4
Margie the close child of God       Eph 2:13
Margie the confident child of God Eph 3:12
Margie the victorous child of God Romans 8:37
Most Important in all of these is that Margie Is A Child of God
Margie is made-new child of God
So if she is made new, then why is she still living her same old life.
Why is she still eating that apple because it looks good?
Is it okay to eat an apple, yes.
Is it okay to eat an apple because you are sad, mad, happy, or just needed something? No!
Question Why Ask God Why Don't keep doing what you are doing and wishing and hoping things will change.
Dream Big! God has Big Things for You, learn what he has by questioning why you do the old things
you do. Is it because the pot was  not big enough( old story on why a family cut the end off of the roast).
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF! BELIEVE IN GOD! BELIEVE YOU CAN BE BETTER!
BELIEVE YOU CAN CHANGE IF YOU JUST TRY.

Scale Broken

So Scale is broken and I guess that means that I did not gain any weight. So not true. This week so far as not been good. Had 2 candy bars yesterday. Why?  Worked out and then ate and ate and ate. No excuses and will do better today. Yogurt for breakfast and brought apple for snack. Ate soup last night with nuts and the 2 candy bars. This week I feel over whelmed. I am letting emotions rule which is not cool. Will do better.