Bad Days Happen

Okay so not so proud of myself for yesterday. Day seamed to be fine. Sore from yesterday's run but okay.
I get to work out and just me and Gerald are working out. I start at my weights and I can not almost do the first one. The lightest. My head is not there. Since John told me I was never to do any movement unless it was correct and I could not do in correctly I could not get my mind right. All I could hear in my head is can't, can't' can't. I am alone and trying to pick up this weight of 65lbs 10 times. No problem I have done it for the last few weeks. I pick it up and it's not right. I put back and start over and it still fills wrong. My head is saying you can't do this. I know I can. I not only can but have for the last few weeks. There is no one there and I keep making it harder and telling myself I can't. I put on next weight of 75lb and still that thing saying you can't. Then next weight 80lb 6 times and it builds. Next weight 85lb and barely made it. and I stop and don't finish. Then I start on work out and I can't get my breath. I am pulling the tire and it is lighter than before and I still have having problems. I go to do my squats and can't get my breath. I go to do jump rope and I fail 1, 2, 3 and my legs just won't move. I finally get started and it is slow, slow,slow. I go back to pull the tire and not any easier. My stomach hurts, my abs hurt. I can not get by breath. On final round on jump ropes I start breathing hard and squeaking. Yes squeaking. I finish and Mary is talking to me and I can't breathe. I can't get any air. I put my hand on Mary and tell her I can't breathe. Now I am afraid and feeling stupid. Stupid I am afraid and I know if I stop breathing hard then I will be able to breathe but I can't get control and the more I lose control I more I am afraid. Mary has me put my arms on my head and take deep breathes. Okay if you can't breathe then how can you take deep breathes and I am sinking more and more into failure. Now I feel stupid, I can't breathe and I am trying to slow down my not breathing. I finally get to where I can breathe and the monster of mind takes over and said you are a failure and you will never be more than a failure. Okay God does not make failures. We make a choice. I am not a failure. I am a Child of God. I am loved and will be loved no matter what. I can do all things with Christ My God who strengths me. If I did not do it this time I can next time and the next and the next. I will never stop and never give up. God has a plan and it is good and I will remember and keep going. Just because I could not this time does not mean that I quit. It means I work harder and try more. If I fail it is okay and I will just keep trying.